RO

 

Azi e despre mine

Cumva sunt intr-o perioada de schimbari si m-am gandit sa incerc sa renunt la niste obiceiuri mai putin sanatoase si sa adopt altele.

Aveam ideea de ceva timp, dar nu am apucat sa fac ceva concret.

Vine un moment in viata ta cand iti dai seama ca nu esti persoana care visai sa fii acum ceva ani. Cand te uiti in oglinda la chipul tau, dar de fapt te uiti in gol. Cand nu stii incotro sa o apuci. Cand ai un atac de panica si plangi cu suspin, parca fara nici un motiv sau de fapt din toate motivele. Cand intorci oglinda si acela ar trebui sa fie momentul, click-ul urmat de o viziune : de AZI o sa fac lucrurile diferit…sau…decizi ca e doar o zi proasta si lasi lucrurile neschimbate.

Nu cred ca sunt singura persoana care considera ca trebuie sa schimbe anumite lucruri. Si TU ai fost aici. Nu stiu de ce iti este tie frica. Cel mai mult mi-e frica ca nu o sa reusesc, ca o sa ma dezamagesc din nou. Pentru ca am mai incercat si am esuat. Imi mai este frica de sentimentele si de senzatiile pe care trebuie sa le traiesti odata cu schimbarea. E ciudat sa iti fie frica de puterea pe care o capeti pe masura ce te schimbi? Poate pentru ca devii puternic si cei din jur sunt cei care te doboara si trebuie sa o iei iar de la zero. Tu cu tine…de data asta.

Sa ai un stil de viata sanatos si echilibrat, sa indeplinesti responsabilitati de adult : curatenie, gatit, platit facturi, mers la sala, alergat, sa citesti mai multe carti, sa te documentezi, sa iesi mai des cu prietenii, sa nu te mai enervezi, sa economisesti mai multi bani, sa iubesti, sa comunici…Doamne, cate lucruri stim ca sunt bune pentru noi, dar nu le facem. De ce? Pentru ca e mai bine in zona de comfort.

Merg la sala de cateva luni bune, constant. Imi place cel mai mult ora de Body Pump, cu Ionut Paval. Ma transforma intr-un alt om. Cel care poate, care vrea mai mult de la el. Trec prin toate starile posibile : bucurie, tristete, frustrare. Sa te mint ca e cea mai frumoasa clasa? La naiba, poate nu e de fiecare data. Dar sunt 50 de minute in care ma lupt cu mine. Si poate cu el uneori, in gand cand il intreb cat are de gand sa ne mai tortureze. Rade de mine deseori pentru ca fac cateva mutre ciudate, depinde de starea pe care o am la fiecare 3-5 minute. Ne spune de multe ori sa fim “prezenti” la ora, sa lasam grijile deoparte si sa ne gandim cu ce scop am venit si mai ales sa ne depasim limitele…”cand simti ca nu mai poti, mai poti un pic”. Fac mutre, da, dar el poate nu intelege ca vorbele lui imi rasuna ca un ecou in minte, ca trebuie sa vorbesc incontinuu cu mine insumi, ca ma incearca toate starile posibile: “Stiu ca poti, trebuie sa poti…nu renunta…mai e putin”…”nu o sa reusesc niciodata, exercitiul asta este prea greu”…”cine m-a pus sa vin aici cand puteam sa lenevesc acasa?”…si vrei sa renunti…iar el are al saselea simt, nu o sa pot sa inteleg asta ever, cand vrei sa te opresti si vine langa tine : “hai ca poti, nu te opri, nu te opri!”. Si nu te opresti, dar incepi sa tipi pentru ca e greu si esti furios pe tine ca TU stii ca poti mai mult. Ce iubesc la ora asta este sentimentul pe care il am la final. Se stinge lumina, dar raman doar luminile difuze colorate. Incepe stretching-ul, iar tu iti vezi conturul in oglinda. Desi incepi sa te relaxezi dupa sesiunea de armata, inima parca iti bate mai tare. Te invadeaza sentimentul de multumire. Multumit pentru ca ai venit la ora, desi puteai sa infuleci o pizza sau o ciocolata intreaga, stand pe canapea acasa, ca ai facut toate exercitiile, ca ti-ai ascultat antrenorul, ca ai dat tot ce ai avut mai bun si ti-ai dat seama ca poti reusi tot ce iti propui.

Am luat oglinda asta cu mine acasa.

Imaginea de la sala, am vazut-o si acasa, cand m-am decis ca vreau sa simt asa mereu si a venit timpul sa imi schimb anumite obiceiuri.

Incep cu pasi mici si m-am decis la o provocare de 30 zile, pentru inceput.

Imi doresc sa renunt timp de o luna la zahar si alcool, sa imi pastrez stilul de alimentatie de 4 mese pe zi, dar sa invat sa gatesc si alte feluri de mancare si sa imi pregatesc toate dulciurile in casa, fara zahar.

Cei din jurul meu ma intreaba de ce am facut alegerea asta, si incheie de obicei cu fraza : “dar tu esti slaba, ce-ti trebuie?!”. Este modalitatea mea de a spune stop unor obiceiuri care nu imi aduceau nici un beneficiu. E momentul meu sa invat mai multe despee mine, despre corpul meu, despre puterea de a spune NU.

Poate este despre mancare sau poate este despre putere.

Pentru ca la sfarsit, o sa trag linie si o sa-mi dau seama ce am invatat.

Si da, aparent, sunt slaba, dar ghici ce? Am celulita. Nu mi-e rusine sa recunosc. Celulita asta mi-e prietena buna de vreo 7 ani. Incerc sa ma despart de ea de mai bine de un an, dar reuseste mereu sa ma imbuneze cu ceva biscuiti Oreo, ciocolata si alte bunatati. Ce mi se pare foarte greu este sa ma abtin de la dulciuri. Eu si o ciocolata intr-o camera. 1 minut…o fac sa dispara ca un magician.

Vreau doar sa potolesc pofta asta…si o sa ma chinui, dar vreau sa vad imaginea aia in oglinda…

M-am gandit sa tin un jurnal pentru fiecare zi, in care sa imi notez absolut tot ce fac in ziua respectiva. Asa pot reciti si sa imi dau seama unde gresesc, ce pot imbunatati, care sunt lucrurile care ma impiedica sa imi ating obiectivele si ce fel de sentimente imi creeaza un astfel de experiment.

In timp ce scriam prima pagina din jurnal, mi-am dat seama ca as putea impartasi si cu voi aceasta experienta. As putea sa il numesc jurnal de dieta , dar de fapt nu o pot numi dieta, pentru ca stilul acesta cu 4 mese pe zi a devenit stilul meu de viata. M-am gandit in primul rand, ca atunci cand incercam sa gasim informatii despre o dieta sau un stil de viata, de obicei citim despre ce mancaruri sunt incluse, cantitati, ore de luat masa, dar foarte rar, despre efectele unei diete/stil si trairile din acea perioada.

Asa ca daca vreti sa cititi o parere sincera a tot ce mi se intampla in aceste 30 zile, follow me 🙂

Dar voi? Voi cum incercati sa deveniti o varianta mai buna a voastra?

 


EN

 

Today it’s about me

It’s changes time lately and I thought it’s about time to drop some old bad habits and learn some new ones.

I had this idea bumping around in my head since long ago, but I was not fully convinced to step up my game.

I guess there’s a time in your life when you realize that you are not the person you used to dream about few years ago. When you look at yourself in the mirror, but actually you’re staring blankly.When you don’t know which path to choose. When you have a panic attack and start crying, for no reason or for all reasons. When you flip back the mirror and that should be your trigger : “starting with today I will do everything different”…or…you decide it’s just a bad day and don’t take any action to change the way you act.

I believe I’m not the only person that thinks it’s ok to change something about you to feel a better person. I’m sure YOU had the same feeling. I don’t know what are you afraid of. But for me, the most frightening thing is to fail and disappoint myself again. Because I tried it before and I gave up. I’m also scared for all the feelings the change could bring. Is it strange to be afraid of all the power you could gain while changing something about you? Maybe because you’re becoming stronger and people around you are the ones to let you down and you have to start all over again.  Only you with your strength, this time…

Keeping a healthy and balanced lifestyle, accomplish your adult chores : cleaning, cooking, paying the bills, going to gym and exercise, going for a run, reading more books, searching for information, going out more often with friends, stop getting mad, start saving money, loving, communicating…jeez, how many things we know they are good for us, but we don’t do them. Why? Because it’s better not to step out of your comfort zone.

I’ve been going to gym for last five months, on a regular basis, but what I like most… my Body Pump class with Ionut Paval as trainer. It changes me in a different person. The one who can do and wants to do much more. Even though I experience a lot of feelings in the same time : joy, sadness, frustration. Should I lie and say it’s the most amazing class? Fk, it isn’t always. But those are my 50 min battle with myself. And maybe with him, sometimes, when I’m thinking for how much time is he going to torture us, when is he going to stop? He laughs at me sometimes because I make a lot of funny faces, but it depends of my state of mind which is different every 3-5 min. His advice for us is to be more focused, to forget about our daily issues and think more about our purpose, what drove us to the class and the most important to push our limits…”when you feel like you can’t do it anymore, you still can a bit more”. Yes, I make funny faces, but he needs to understand that his words sound like an echo in my head, that I have to struggle all the time with all sort of thoughts : “I know you can, you have to”, “I will never make it, this exercise is too damn hard”, “who made me do it, I could’ve staid at home on that cozy couch”…and you want to give up, just rest for few minutes…and he’s got like a superpower, that I will never understand, like he can see it coming that you want to give up on that exercise and immediately stands by you and encourages you : “you can do it, don’t stop, don’t stop!”. You don’t stop, however you start screaming that it’s hard and you’re being angry cuz you know you can do much more. I guess what I love most about this class is the feeling I got when it’s all over. The light is off, you can see only the diffuse colored lights and your body shape in the mirror. You have to stretch. Although you should relax now, your heart seems to beat like crazy, even faster than when you were working like a soldier, moments ago. It’s because you’re excited, you’re feeling grateful. Grateful because you chose going to gym even though you could’ve staid at home on your couch, enjoying a pizza or a chocolate, grateful that you managed to finish all the exercises, that you listened to your trainer’s advice, that you gave all the best and you realised you can do whatever you dream of.

I took this mirror, back at home .

The image I saw in the mirror at gym, I saw it also at home, when I decided I wanted to feel like that all the time and it’s about time to change some habits.

It will be baby steps, I know, but for now I thought about a challenge for 30 days.

My intention is to give up on sugar and alcohol for 30 days, to keep my usual lifestyle of having 4 meals/day, but to learn new recipes and prepare my own sweets at home, sugar free.

People around me are usually asking why I took this decision because I’m skinny already. It’s my way to stop a habit that didn’t do me any good. It’s time lo learn more about me, about my body and the strength of saying NO.

Maybe it’s about food or maybe it’s about power.

Because in the end, I will see what I learned from this experience.

Yes, maybe I look skinny, but guess what? I still have cellulitis  and I am not ashamed to admit it. She’s been a loyal friend the past 7 years. I’ve been trying to break up with her during the last year, but she still manages to stay by my side…with those Oreo biscuits, chocolate and other sweets. It’s too hard to give up on sugar. Imagine me and a chocolate together in a room…the moment lasts for a minute, cuz I make it disappear like a magician.

I just want to stop these cravings…and I will struggle for sure, but I just want to see that image in the mirror by the end.

I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal and to write everyday how my day went. This way, I could read as many times as I want and figure out what I did wrong, what I can do better, what are the events that stop me from achieving my goal and what kind of feelings will bring this challenge.

As I was writing my first page in the journal, I thought I could share this with you guys. That’s why I have a blog, right? It will be a different diet journal. I cannot even call it a diet, because the 4 meals program became my lifestyle the last one and a half year now. Every time, when I was google-ing diet journal, I could only find information about what kind of food to eat, the quantity, meals program, but not so often the feedback, the feelings, the emotions, the struggle for this kind of challenge.

Thus, if you wanna read a real lifestyle journal for 30 days, follow me 🙂

What about you? What are you doing to be a better you?